As a gentle reminder, I have given birth to exactly 0 children in my lifetime. Beyond that, I have been on exactly one date in two years, so like, I’m nowhere even close to birthing children. Never-the-less, I take a lot of mental notes about the kind of parent I want to be, and get a lot of practice in pseudo-mom-ing (give me any brand/style of baby carrier and I can successfully figure out how to fasten a toddler to my body… skills!).
The best thing pseudo-mom-ing is teaching me (you’re welcome, future offspring) is that all kids are wired differently, and there aren’t really any “one-size-fits-all” methods or rules about ANYTHING.
Example: a couple of weeks ago I was babysitting my niece, Jocelyn, and worked my baby-whisperer magic (it IS magic) to get that cute fussy babe to sleep. She was being cute and sleeping, and I was being the overly concerned, creepy aunt who kept watching her sleep to make sure she was still breathing, freaking out about whether or not the way she was sleeping would lead to SIDS (a very real, not funny at all phenomenon). I took the issue to google and, fellow childless readers, let me give you the spark notes: the internet will give you an overwhelming number of articles, each of which will tell you that such-and-such way is the worst way to lay the babe, so at the end of your research you will just decide babies cannot sleep in any position at all, else SIDS (a very real, not funny at all phenomenon). Then I tried to roll the perfectly safe sleeping baby to her tummy and she woke up. Chaos ensued. Chaos.
(Shout out to Moms of newborns everywhere. RESPECT.)
Like most people, I just wanted one clear-cut solution on how to handle this universal baby problem. The world doesn’t give us that. What I love about Jesus: he does.
Jesus, also childless (don’t listen to the Da Vinci Code conspiracy theory nonsense), recently gave me conviction about my pseudo-parenting style (and what I hope becomes my future parenting style). It’s a 100% blanket, one-size-fits-all-types-of-children approach, and it’s brilliant, it’s magic, I promise you it will work.
So let me tell you about it.
To set the scene: Jesus has just proved he was who he said he was. He just rose from the dead, and he came back for us.
To set another scene: I am now crying in Coffee Times, just thinking about that. Moving on…
When he was leaving his disciples to go back to Heaven, he told them what I think we should all tell the little ones we influence: You, too, can do what I’ve done. In fact, you can even do better things than I did, because I’m on your team. I’m your advocate. Whatever your dream is to improve the world and build God’s kingdom, I’m here to help you make it a reality.
He, Jesus Christ, said that. He did! I’m not making this up, even though people frequently ask me if I am. Look it up… it’s in John 14. [**That is as specific as I will be because I want you to read the whole chapter. So there.] I think this one principle should be the heartbeat behind how we guide all little ones… all of them.
My own interpretation (of my own interpretation of John 14) brought me to these future parenting tenets:
1. Guys, don’t use me as a measuring stick.
2. I’m here to support your dreams, not tell you what to dream. So don’t be afraid to dream.
3. We can’t be successful without Jesus being a part of the plan.
This conviction hit me at the most perfect time, because I have three babies arriving at the same pivot point, each going in different directions.
My sister, Bekah, just graduated from high school and is deciding to wait to go to college until she is ready. I am so proud of Bekah for waiting.
My sister, Rachel, just finished her first year at community college and decided it wasn’t God’s best for her. I am so proud of Rachel for quitting.
My little one, Divine, is starting her first semester of college. I am so proud of Divine for starting.
I have had to go through those three points with each little one this year. Bekah and Rachel both went through seasons of avoiding me because they didn’t’ want to tell their “I LOVE EDUCATION, I’M GOING TO STAY IN COLLEGE FOREVER” sister that education wasn’t part of their plans right now. Because I forgot to mention I am not comparing their dreams against my own, they were afraid to share their dreams with me, which meant months of missing out on supporting them.
But then!
But then I found myself sobbing in a Mexican restaurant with Bekah (while simultaneously shoving my face full of chips and salsa), saying “I can’t support your dreams if you don’t tell me what they are.” The invisible measuring stick broke in half, defenses went down, and for the first time in a lifetime, I got to listen to my baby’s dreams and be her cheerleader, her advocate.
I am so grateful for that breakthrough.
I am grateful for a God who is so creative. He made Bekah and Rachel and Divine and he made me, and he made us each so differently.
I’m grateful for how He consistently loves us each the same way.
I’m grateful he gave us Jesus as an advocate, and am grateful that I get to use Jesus as an example for how to love others (you can’t google that one).
I am grateful for little ones who give me grace when I don’t get it right all the time.
I’m grateful for the reminders Jesus gives to stop comparing, and the freedom it offers.
Lastly, I’m grateful that he picked me to love three great girls. I can’t wait to see who they each invite to the table, people who I could never reach. This pseudo-Mom is already prepared to celebrate… with store-bought, not home-made cake, because that’s the style of pseudo-Mom/ future Mom I am (God says that’s ok, too, FYI).
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