In the last month I learned the true meaning of what it means to be a “ride or die”-- a bestie that stays with you no matter what. How did this happen? A group of friends and I recently rode in a car until we literally thought we were going to die in hopes of showing a friend how much we love her.
At the end of last year one of my best friends got dealt a hard set of cards she didn’t deserve, the kind that hurts badly... really really badly. In the light of her hurt heart, our other bestie and I consulted with each other, and decided the best thing we could do was to love her in a big way. So we packed a car, invited another friend, and drove for a total of 24 hours to be at the beach for a day and a half.
We could have flown, yes. But we drove. It wasn’t about being efficient, it was about being together.
We drove 12 hours and some change hoping for a miraculous sunny and 75 degree day to contrast the cold Kentucky weather we left behind. What we got instead was a cold, windy beach with dark gray skies and the dark gray ocean. We drove a long long way to get away from the gray, but there was no outrunning it. So we did what any ride or die besties would do… we bundled up, stared into the beautiful grayness, caked sand into our clothes, and we laughed in spite of it all. A lot.
Dropping everything and driving a quarter way across the country when your best friend is heartbroken might not always be doable for you, sure, but if you can do it, I would highly recommend it.
Here are a few other recommendations on how to be the best best friend when skies are gray:
- Don’t send flowers: send pizza. If your bestie talks about not being hungry or not having energy to go grocery shopping/cook, surprise her by ordering her pizza delivery.
- Say yes. Say yes if she wants Taco Bell. Say yes if she wants another dog. Say yes if she asks you to spend all day couch shopping with her. Almost always say yes. Except when you have to…
- Say no. Say no to wreckless or semi-wreckless decisions that could become habit forming. There are some things you just say no to.
- Don’t tell your sad friend not to cry. Don’t even offer tissues. Just let her ugly cry as needed, and let it be okay.
- Or let the girl yell. If she isn’t a crier, let her yell. If she needs to semi-drunkenly yell about her ex, let her do it. Don’t even be embarrassed about it… you can’t be!
- Get her dry shampoo. She needs it.
- Remember her history. Personally, I no longer drink alcohol, but lots of sad girls do. If you are with a sad friend while she is drinking, a true “ride or die” should remember her bestie’s drinking history and keep her away from things homegirl has a known history of getting sick/ having a hangover from. Wine… probably a bad idea. Margaritas… probably a bad idea. Anything you would have consumed as a freshman in college… bad idea. Be classy, and help her stay away from super sweet stuff.
- Check-in. Not all besties talk every single day, but in times of heartache it is necessary. It would be better to annoy them by checking in too much than allowing them to feel lonely and forgotten. My personal go to text: “P.S. I love you.”
- Feng Shui. If cause of heartbreak is a boy, help her de-boy her place. New wall art and new bedspreads can do wonders, as they make a girl feel like they are able to have a fresh (pretty) start! Maybe you don’t normally care about color palettes and duvet covers… you had better take a sudden extreme interest. ***Do not try to get rid of pictures or sentimental items before your bae is ready though, because this could lead to resentment and isolation.
- Remember. If ever there is a time your bae seems grouchy or ungrateful, remember the myriad of things they did for you the last time life was hard and keep pushing through. Do for them what you most appreciated others doing for you when you were heartbroken.
One of the more important functions of best friends is to enjoy life with, yes, but you find out who your true “ride or die”s are when life isn’t sunny and 75. Text your person, tell them you love them, and have the dry shampoo at the ready.
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