So the thing about November is that I
hate it. It is a black hole of a month
that is wedged between two excellent months.
Most Novembers my normally happy heart takes a leave of absence and
allows itself to be depressed. This year
November level feelings came months early, so this girl is super ready for Christmas
magic.
The thing about me is my Mom died in
November. Specifically, she died on
November 20, 2000, three days before Thanksgiving and three days before she
should have turned 30.
And now you know what she looked like.
When a Mother of five dies before she
turns 30, and when that Mother is your Mother, you learn really quickly that
this life is no joke. It changes pretty
much everything and turns you into a weird kid who knows too much.
Weird kid is growing up. Next month I turn 25. Yikes. You do the math… when you know people can die before 30, or even sooner, 25 seems old. (Maybe now you understand my habitual sense of urgency about absolutely everything).
Weird kid is growing up. Next month I turn 25. Yikes. You do the math… when you know people can die before 30, or even sooner, 25 seems old. (Maybe now you understand my habitual sense of urgency about absolutely everything).
This must have been from right before she got sick.
This whole thing could have made me all kinds of crazy, which is why I still take a month every year to process it and every other ugly thing that happened because of it. Honestly, it has made me oddly sane and focused.
For your reading pleasure, here are the disjointed pearls of November-inspired
wisdom that guide this old lady's life and help keep me grounded:
Life is too short to pretend like great things are just good things. This world can be a bad enough place without you cheating yourself. I both listed this first and bolded it, because I think this is extra important.
If you are lucky enough to have a clear picture of what you want most, life is too short to not chase it. And not just kind of chase it… chase it like a crazy person. Regardless of the outcome, you won’t regret it. The alternative though? You’ll regret that. Trust me.
No matter what myriad of hardships you have been thrown or what kind of career or income you have, if you have people in your life who love you (like Jesus does) your life will feel full and well-lived. Sometimes you have to make choices. Pick love. My Mom did.
Ashley and Mom
I would guess Mom is about my age in this photo
Life is too short to make foolish, self-harming choices on purpose. This is probably especially true if life has not been kind to you, because you know better. #YOLOisano-no
DO NOT SMOKE. It very literally and seriously can kill you.
The saying “God does not give you more than you can handle” is not really biblical or true. (Honestly, the phrase makes me cringe). He gives us more than we can handle all the time. (That’s why he gave us Jesus). Being able to admit your overwhelmed heart can’t handle it all is so unexpectedly beautiful. Admitting this saved me from my quest to be perfect and completely self-sufficient, which contributed to being miserable and lonely for much of my childhood. Surrender. Let it go.
You can’t be depressed forever. God is too good for that nonsense.
Even in your November, there is always always always something to be thankful for. Even if it is what you don’t have anymore.
I will leave you with what I remember being my Mom's favorite song... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ8D5Ihe4hg
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