The Year I Gave Away My Birthday

There are two single, unrelated magic things about me:

1. I get free things all of the time, namely coffee-- namely from the Starbucks on Richmond Road, but also lots of other places, too. All of the free things, just so often, without prompting.  The reasoning is inexplicable.  It’s just magic.
2. I always have a high turnout for my birthdays, even though it’s wedged smack-dab in the middle of Jesus’s birthday and the new year.  Historically, my birthday is the very worst time of the year to have a birthday, but I always have 20+ people turnout to birthday dinners.  It’s magic.  

Last year, when I turned 25, I went to Chicago for a fun-filled weekend with one of my sisters, and then had a belated birthday dinner at Malone’s with lots of friends and a cute new Banana Republic dress.  When it came time to plan my 26th birthday, I decided I wanted to use my birthday magic to make other hearts happy, as making hearts happy is what makes my own little heart the happiest.

This year for my birthday I asked my friends and family to make lasagnas and cookies and show up at a campus ministry building to surprise a family of eight with a birthday party that was infinitely more joyful than any party I’ve ever had before.  I also asked complete strangers to do this.  And you know what, people came-- they came and they hung decorations, took directions, and manned activity tables and they loved on the kids I love the most and it was perfect!  And those who could not make it dropped off food and games.  It was perfect. It was magical.  It was Heaven.

Low quality photo of a high quality glimpse of Heaven

One saintly lady I love even made four GIANT delicious gourmet birthday cakes, and each of the eight family members had a cake with their name on it.

Count ‘em

Lately I keep noticing the most satisfying thing I can do is take what God uses to bring me the most joy and share with everyone I know.  Whether it’s birthday magic, cake, free coffee, or the 7 cutest kids I am not biologically related to-- I’m meant to share.  

When I was younger, if I heard the word “service” I thought about doing things to take away pain.  In my 26 year old wisdom, I have found the best way to take away the pain of this world is simply to spread joy… not just do unwanted tasks so someone else doesn’t have to, but doing more of what makes me feel closest to Heaven while inviting other people in.  

This year I traded a new Banana Republic dress for sweatpants and gave away my birthday magic, and it was the best, most satisfying trade-off I have ever made. What can you do to share what makes your heart the happiest?  When you figure it out, let me know how I can help!

Ride or Die: How to be the best BFF when friends are heartbroken

In the last month I learned the true meaning of what it means to be a “ride or die”-- a bestie that stays with you no matter what.  How did this happen?  A group of friends and I recently rode in a car until we literally thought we were going to die in hopes of showing a friend how much we love her.  

At the end of last year one of my best friends got dealt a hard set of cards she didn’t deserve, the kind that hurts badly... really really badly.  In the light of her hurt heart, our other bestie and I consulted with each other, and decided the best thing we could do was to love her in a big way.  So we packed a car, invited another friend, and drove for a total of 24 hours to be at the beach for a day and a half.  

We could have flown, yes.  But we drove.  It wasn’t about being efficient, it was about being together.  

We drove 12 hours and some change hoping for a miraculous sunny and 75 degree day to contrast the cold Kentucky weather we left behind.  What we got instead was a cold, windy beach with dark gray skies and the dark gray ocean.  We drove a long long way to get away from the gray, but there was no outrunning it.  So we did what any ride or die besties would do… we bundled up, stared into the beautiful grayness, caked sand into our clothes, and we laughed in spite of it all.  A lot.

Dropping everything and driving a quarter way across the country when your best friend is heartbroken might not always be doable for you, sure, but if you can do it, I would highly recommend it.  

Here are a few other recommendations on how to be the best best friend when skies are gray:

1. Don’t send flowers: send pizza.  If your bestie talks about not being hungry or not having energy to go grocery shopping/cook, surprise her by ordering her pizza delivery.  

2. Say yes.  Say yes if she wants Taco Bell.  Say yes if she wants another dog.  Say yes if she asks you to spend all day couch shopping with her.  Almost always say yes. Except when you have to…

3. Say no. Say no to wreckless or semi-wreckless decisions that could become habit forming.  There are some things you just say no to.

4. Don’t tell your sad friend not to cry.  Don’t even offer tissues. Just let her ugly cry as needed, and let it be okay. 
5. Or let the girl yell.  If she isn’t a crier, let her yell.  If she needs to semi-drunkenly yell about her ex, let her do it.  Don’t even be embarrassed about it… you can’t be!

6. Get her dry shampoo.  She needs it.

7. Remember her history.  Personally, I no longer drink alcohol, but lots of sad girls do.  If you are with a sad friend while she is drinking, a  true “ride or die” should remember her bestie’s drinking history and keep her away from things homegirl has a  known history of getting sick/ having a hangover from.  Wine… probably a bad idea.  Margaritas… probably a bad idea.  Anything you would have consumed as a freshman in college… bad idea.  Be classy, and help her stay away from super sweet stuff.  

8. Check-in.  Not all besties talk every single day, but in times of heartache it is necessary.  It would be better to annoy them by checking in too much than allowing them to feel lonely and forgotten.  My personal go to text: “P.S. I love you.”

9. Feng Shui. If cause of heartbreak is a boy, help her de-boy her place.  New wall art and new bedspreads can do wonders, as they make a girl feel like they are able to have a fresh (pretty) start!  Maybe you don’t normally care about color palettes and duvet covers… you had better take a sudden extreme interest. ***Do not try to get rid of pictures or sentimental items before your bae is ready though, because this could lead to resentment and isolation.  

10. Remember.  If ever there is a time your bae seems grouchy or ungrateful, remember the myriad of things they did for you the last time life was hard and keep pushing through.  Do for them what you most appreciated others doing for you when you were heartbroken.

One of the more important functions of best friends is to enjoy life with, yes, but you find out who your true “ride or die”s are when life isn’t sunny and 75.  Text your person, tell them you love them, and have the dry shampoo at the ready.