He's Just Not That Into You (Or Me)

I must divulge that when I am overwhelmed with the world and need some alone time, I sit on my couch in big baggy sweatpants and watch one of the few romantic comedies (ok, chick flicks) that I own (or a show about cooking, but that is not relevant to this blog post).  To be specific, here is what I watch over and over again: "Breakfast at Tiffany's," "He's Just Not That Into You,"and "Definitely, Maybe." What can I say, I live a charmed, exciting life.

Every time I watch "He's Just Not That Into You," after I get over deciding which character I most identify with at the time (which is, of course, the lovely, level-headed and sassy character played by Jennifer Aniston), I think of my own list of reasons why he isn't calling.  The movie comes up with several funny and commonly used explanations of why guys do not call girls back... but my list is funnier, and more importantly, completely TRUE.  Everything on the internet is true, right?

Cheers to solidarity, Jen! 

Here is why he isn't calling you (or me):

Reason 1: You heard it here first, folks, he's dating Emma Watson now.  I was as shocked as you when I found out, but it's so true.  If it was going to be anybody else though, aren't we glad it's Emma?

Reason 2:  He watched Breaking Bad, and was a little too influenced by it.  He's making meth now.  Meth.  He knows you would fulfill your obligations as a responsible US citizen and report him, and therefore he's protecting the both of you by not calling.

Reason 3: He saw something on Reddit that reminded him of the year when John Wall and our perfect team did not win the National Championship for UK.  As a result, he threw his phone into a puddle formed by a recent Lexington monsoon.  I've lost two phones that way.

Reason 4:  He has recently become a big fan of the beloved show How I Met Your Mother.  Unfortunately, he just watched the last episode of season one, and is coping with the Lilly-Marshall breakup.  Unlike us, he could not persevere in watching, and will never know that they end up happily ever after.  If I had stopped watching HIMYM at this point, I would have given up on love, too.  If those fictional characters can't make it, what real people can?

Reason 5: He, too, watched "He's Just Not That Into You" and is still mulling over which character he most identifies with.  That soul search has made him abandon all tech devices.  Jury's out.  We all have to hope it's not Bradley Cooper though.  Yuck.

Reason 6:  He started playing video games again.  Enough said.  If it makes you feel better, he doesn't even know what month it is.

Reason 7:  You work too much.  He thought you wouldn't notice.  Whoopsies.

Reason 8:  He's one of the contestants on the newest season of Master Chef.  Yes, you did not realize that he could cook.  However, Cutter made it to the final 4 on the last season, so anything can happen.   He's probably learning to make macarons as you read this.   This is my favorite reason.

He made these...